SOMEDAY I'M GOING TO MISS THIS

Blake is at Wisconsin Dells this week for wrestling camp.

Since we redecorated Kayla's room while she was at camp, I thought the least I could do for Blake was give his room a thorough cleaning while he's away. After all, he doesn't want a bedroom makeover.

"I'll be gone in less than a year," he keeps telling me as he twists the knife in my heart one more rotation. "Do it when I'm gone."

So then.

Today when I went into his room to put some laundry away, I was thinking I'd get started on that little clean up I had planned.





SWEET MERCY! What have I done?

I just....

um...

It's just that...

WOW!

In all fairness, I did have to do QUITE A BIT of cleaning before decorating Kayla's room.

Sorry, Kayla, but I gotta keep it real.

So I should not have been surprised. But MY STARS the food wrappers! The Mountain Dew Cans! The unidentifiable containers!!!

So here's what I did.

I quietly set his laundry on the bed, backed out of his room and shut the door.

Because I totally believe in running away from a challenge.

ON JON AND KATE

Yeah I used to watch their show.

And, yeah, I still occasionally turn to their show when The Closer goes to commercial.

But I was becoming more and more disgusted by the way Kate spoke to her husband, her children, and to anybody else with whom she came in contact, so I stopped tuning in. Plus, I was starting to feel quite guilty that I was seeing these children in moments that would cause them embarrassment later when they saw the episodes played back to them.

Now that Jon and Kate have announced their divorce, there seems to be a debate going on about whether the show must go on.

Because it would be absolutely terrible for a mother and father to have to actually, you know, go to work 40 hours a week (or more) to support their children and give them a normal, albeit less materialistic lifestyle.

You want to know what I think?

This show must stop.

Now.

Divorce is very hard on children.

It is very hard for children to show up at school and know that their classmates and teachers have heard the news around town - the news that their family is falling apart. Because no matter how common or uncommon divorce is; it's not easy when it's YOUR parents. It is very hard for children to get used to a new family arrangement and the new "normal" that comes with divorce. There are new schedules to adjust to - some days with Daddy, some days with Mommy. There are new signals to read - will mommy be mad if I'm happy to see Daddy? Will Daddy be mad if I talk to Mommy on the phone. Children of divorce have to learn to walk differently. They have to learn to tread lightly; especially when one or both parents is known to have a volatile temper.

Now these eight precious children; these children who have had their privacy stolen, these children who have had their most private and embarrassing moments televised for the world to see; these children now get to adjust to their parents' divorce while the world watches.

It's bad enough that their regrettable tantrums, their potty training, their trips to the dentist, have all been televised in the guise of "making memories;" but now their hearts have to be laid bare for the world to see so that Mommy and Daddy can continue a lifestyle to which they very quickly became accustomed - a lifestyle they've convinced themselves they deserve.

There are those who wonder how these eight children are to be raised without the money generated from the show.

I think they are to be raised the same way most large families support themselves - with hard work and sacrifice and with a knowledge that there are more important things in life than Gymboree, swimming pools, and custom play houses.

I think they are to be raised the same way my mother raised four kids alone; and the same way my great grandmother raised seven kids alone; or the way our friends are now raising seven kids in today's difficult economy; or the way our other friends are raising nine.

They should be raised with the knowledge that they will have everything they need, but not necessarily everything they want. The should be raised knowing that designer clothes and free trips will not turn you into a decent, productive member of society. They should be raised knowing that they may not have the best of everything but at least their most important moments in life - good and bad - are theirs and theirs alone and will never be seen on You Tube. After all, don't all of us, as adults, have moments where our own behavior has made us cringe? Isn't it hard enough to remember those moments while we are trying to sleep at night? Can you imagine if those moments, those moments where we showed the absolute worst of ourselves, were immortalized for the world to examine over and over again? Do these children, because of their young age, deserve less privacy, less respect for their dignity?

This is what the Gosselins have done to their children. This is what they continue to do by adopting this "Show Must Go On" attitude. They have invited the world in to view the circus that is now their children's lives.

I can't help but think that in ten or fifteen years, these eight children are going to look back at how their lives were played out in front of the world and they are going to simply say "Why didn't somebody help us?"

And that is my question. Why hasn't somebody helped them - "Somebody" being the executives at TLC? Why aren't the executives at TLC willing to close their own wallets and say "Send those poor children home. This show is over?"

Why aren't the sponsors that shower them with freebies willing to say "NO" when asked if their products can be splashed across our television screens in exchange for free advertising?

Why won't somebody help these children? Because, like the Gosselin parents, all of the adults in these children's lives only hear money.

And these poor children are evidently still able to bring in lots of money for everyone involved.

I just hope the children actually get some of that money - lots of it. They're going to need it to pay their therapists.

MY DAUGHTER IS UNBALANCED

My daughter has this issue. It's called Extreme Arm Disproportion Due to Pitching (EADDtP).

It's really rather embarrassing:

See? See how her right arm has some bulk and her left arm...well...doesn't?

People point and laugh at her all the time.

Not really. Only when she strikes the Popeye pose, which I really hope isn't often but we never know...


Kayla's cousin, Maddy, is visiting this weekend. Maddy's mom and I are first cousins and our birthdays are 11 days apart. Our daughters were born 3 weeks apart. Not that we planned that, but you know how those things happen.

Anyway, these poor girls are miserable when they're together. MISERABLE I tell you!

Number one rule about sunglasses: Never wear anything bigger than a hub cap.

They are spending the day at our small town festival and then I heard something said about the mall.

I just hope they can stand to be around each other the whole time.

FINAL TOUCH

I finally got Kayla's curtains put up in her bay window tonight.

I had been waffling about whether to go with red or white and then exactly how to hang them. My neighbor has white sheers in her daughter's room and I really liked that look; and, since I couldn't find a sheer that was the right shade of red, I completely stole my neighbor's idea and went with white sheers. She has forgiven me though.

Kayla had no opinion on the matter whatsoever.

This is what we came up with:

Kayla wanted the shorter length because she knew the cat would have too much fun with the floor length curtains. Smart girl. You can't see it in the photos, but the ribbon on the sheers is blinged out with jeweled flowers.

Because, really, can a girl have too much bling?

I think not.

This is her east wall - what you see when you first enter her room:


I'm thrilled with the black walls. I think they have a very crisp look next to the white trim. If I was very brave and had money for a new dining room set, I'd go with a black and white dining room. Well, and if I was crazy enough to let Blake and Cody paint for me again. But I digress.

This is her other black wall - the north wall - that forms a right angle with the wall pictured above:

Having two closets really helps to break up the black. You can't see it very well but her mirror has a red frame. All I can say is I've spray painted more things red and black over the last two weeks than I care to think about.

We are done with Kayla's room. DONE I tell you.

And have I told you how much I love Wal-Mart and Hobby Lobby?

STORM

This morning at 6:00 we were awakened by the tornado sirens. For the briefest of moments I considered staying in bed; thinking it would be less painful to be blown into the next county than to get up and go to the basement.

Then I remembered I had a child in the house whom I must save.

Yes, only one child. Blake is now a future Marine; he's on his own.

Not really. He spent the night at a friend's house.

Anyway, I staggered out of bed and went to Kayla's room.

Kaaaayla...let's go to the basement - tornado sirens.

Then I went to get the dog.

Now the dog's favorite place to hide during a storm is in our garage. We have a small set of steps leading up to our door that leads to the laundry room, and she likes to hide under those steps at the first rumble of thunder.

When she can't get to the garage, she will choose from a number of different hiding places in the house - our shower, the basement bathtub, under the bar in the kitchen. She used to hide under the bed but now she's too fat.

She's very sensitive about that.

But her new favorite hiding place is the cat's litter box in the corner of the laundry room. And no, she doesn't scoop it out before she settles into it. And no, she is not small enough to fit in a litter box. But she somehow manages to fold herself into an interesting origami shape and lie there and tremble.

That is how I found her this morning.

And I had to drag her by the collar through the kitchen and living room to get her to the basement. She's learning though. As soon as she saw the open basement door, she zipped down the stairs and headed straight for the bathroom.

Where she stood trembling like a leaf and staring at me.

Weeeelll, can you give an old girl a hand up please?

So since it was six a.m. and she's a "Senior Dog" with arthritis, I gave her a little nudge and plopped her 57 pound body into the bathtub.

Where she proceeded to tremble and drool through the rest of the severe storm.

Blake absolutely loves it when he opens his shower curtain and finds: a) the dog lying there asleep or b) the dog's foot prints and drool left behind from her traumatic storm experience.

Blake is going to be home any minute.

Surprise Son!! We had a tornado nearby. Did you hear the sirens? Cookie is just fine, thanks for asking.

Ahh! This is just one of the many things I'm sure Blake will miss while he's a boot camp.

HABIT

I've heard that if you do something for 21 days straight, it will become a habit.

This morning marked my 22nd day of exercising in my effort to make it a daily habit.

I think I may have habitualized myself. I was kind of expecting somebody to show up at my door step with a Certificate of Habit, but there has been no fanfare whatsoever.

Somebody asked if the 21 day rule applied to good habits as well as bad habits; so in an attempt to add a little scientific research to my quest for an exercise habit, I decided to smoke a cigarette after each session.

OH! You know I'm kidding.

Anyway.

I am walking away the pounds - or I hope to be walking away the pounds. I am doing two different versions of Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds DVD series. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday I go next door and do one version with my neighbor in her basement.

This not only counts as exercise but free therapy. I am sure I expend more calories on those days because I spend the entire 47 minutes talking.

Really, just ask my neighbor.

On the other four days of the week I either do another version of the Walk Away the Pounds, in my own basement, or I actually, well, walk...around our little town. Only once in the past 22 days have I "walked" for a mile. The other days have all been two or three miles.

*cue applause now*

I've lost six pounds but, more importantly I feel really good; and MOST importantly, I think I've conquered my insomnia. You people have no idea how good it feels to sleep all night.

One of my skirts felt a little loose the other day but strangely enough, so did my shoes. Yeah, my SHOES.

Well this is just GREAT!! I bust my tail exercising every day and the only places I'll probably lose any weight will be in my feet and my breasts.

But back to the habit. I get a little uptight if I do not have a clear plan each day as to when I will exercise. If one of the kids has friends over to watch television, I say "Okay, but I HAVE to exercise some time today."

Well how BADLY are you bleeding, Blake? Because I have 17 minutes left to exercise...and kick back, kick back, kick back....jeesh kids!!

As with many habits; I fear this one might soon require an intervention.

Lift those knees up....

SURPRISE!!

So Kayla got home from church camp today. She was really tired. I think she went to bed at 6:45.

This morning.

After all there was pizza to be eaten and silly Olympics to play.

I was really excited to have her see her new room.

This is what she found when she walked in:


She really wanted a black and white room with red accents. We bought this comforter six months ago. See that bed? It was my grandpa's. I slept in it when I would visit him as a little girl. It was in his spare room. It needs to be sand blasted and painted but I refuse to do that yet. Kayla understands. She's had that bed for a few years now and really likes it. That bench at the foot of her bed? We bought that at a men's clothing store when they were going out of business - TWENTY DOLLARS!! The cushions are simply chair pads from Wal-Mart - velcroed on to the bench.

Now this picture below - this is where it all happens - the makeup table. She got this for her 13th birthday. It's actually a bar from a patio furniture set with a swivel stool. We wanted something narrow to save space. Works well.

Kayla has always wanted a dress form in her room - a full size one. I guess you could call this full size if you are making custom fashions for a two year old.

I like this little vignette below. I love the ceramic Converse hi-top. Because that is so Kayla - a little bit of frill mixed with a little bit of Converse.

The art work? Scrap book paper from my stock, framed in recycled frames that I spray painted black.

Kayla really wanted black walls in this room. And I really thought that wasn't a good idea:

But it is only paint after all. It can be covered - WITH ABOUT FOURTEEN COATS OF HER NEXT COLOR CHOICE! But I went with it and I must say I really like the look. Two of the walls are black. This photo above is what you see when you first enter Kayla's room.

I was so excited to see her reaction that I hid in her room to wait for her to come home.

Obviously she hated it.

And I couldn't take any more pictures after this one.

Somebody was squeezing me a little too tightly.

WORK ETHIC

I suppose it is safe to tell you that while Kayla is away at camp, we are redecorating her room for her.

It's a surprise. But don't worry. She picked out her comforter months ago and told me what color she wanted her walls.

So today I started painting the two walls that are going to be something other than white (pictures upon completion), after Paul had spent two nights priming all the walls and painting the two white ones.

Having spent twenty minutes painting this morning, I decided my time would be better used elsewhere. After all there were two teenage boys in the next bedroom that were doing nothing but playing a video game.

So I knocked on Blake's door.

*knock, knock, knock*

WHAAAAAT?!?

Hey. You guys wanna paint for me?

Uh, NO!

I'll pay you.

Oh, allllll right.

So the boys exit their cave and enter Kayla's room for their instructions.

It is important to note that Blake made it very clear that pictures would not be allowed, which absolutely broke my heart because I really wanted to commemorate Dumb and Dumber painting a teenage girl's bedroom.

*sigh*

After listening raptly to my instructions Blake starts telling me in no uncertain terms that he's a lousy painter and he hates the idea of doing this.

You do know this is going to look terrible, right? I'm terrible at painting so it's going to be a lousy job.

Well, son, that certainly isn't the way to start negotiations. You should be saying 'I won't let you down, Ma'am. You can count on me to give you the best service ever.' Right Cody?

Um...yeah.

And then, Blake uttered words that, in 22 years of marriage, his father has NEVER uttered to me: Well, what are YOU going to be doing all day?

Funny, I don't know how it happened; but suddenly Blake had a whole gallon of paint dripping from his head and face....

Cody attacked the job with as much enthusiasm as Cody shows for anything, but he certainly didn't complain. In fact, he actually told me about four times that he would do it for free. That was when Blake said "Dude!! Don't be stupid. Take the money." Which made me prouder than you can imagine.

No, I'm going to pay you. And you, Cody, will get a "NO WHINING BONUS" because you have such a good attitude. Blake on the other hand...well...obviously I've failed. Oh, and Cody? You're in charge of this operation.

I obviously failed to instill any work ethic into my son, as I lost count of how many times he complained about the painting and said "Man, I hate work!"

Dear Uncle Sam,
That new Marine recruit you got last weekend? Well, the drill instructors might need to know that he hates work. Perhaps he will do better in your Low Impact Boot Camp. Could you see to it that he is enrolled in that one?
M'kay, thanks.

One thing that Blake DID have going for him was that he wore appropriate paint attire - sweat pants and a stocking cap.

That's all.

No shirt.

No shoes.

No socks.

I don't even know what to say about that.

Then, in what I guess was an attempt to get me to fire them, they turned on Kayla's antique stereo (circa 2005) and turned the music up really loud so I'd have to listen to all this horrible music - Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me....?

I showed them. I left for the mall.

To make this "Dumb and Dumber" episode even more exciting - I had actually thought about keeping it a secret from Paul that the boys did the painting.

See, well, Paul has issues about painting. He hates to paint but he doesn't want anybody else to paint either.

I know. It puts me in quite a bind when I want to redecorate.

So then.

I thought I had 8 or so hours before Paul got home and I could work up to telling him that I had let two teenage boys loose with the paint; but then Paul called me on the phone.

And I immediately started giggling when I answered his call.

Because I can't keep a secret (especially when I know it's going to get Paul all worked up)

Which is probably why I'll never be a gambler or a spy.

Of course when he heard me giggling he assumed I was visiting with Blake.

Well, sort of....

So, what's up?

Well, don't be mad...but I'm letting Blake and Cody paint Kayla's room.

*silence*

They better keep that floor covered! Do they know how to move the tarp to protect the rug?

And then I said something to my husband that I never imagined I'd hear myself say:

OH! DON'T BE SUCH AN OLD LADY!! Really, I said that. Can you believe I said that?
Do you really think a little paint is going to make that carpet look worse than the nail polish and marker stains that are already on it? We can cover things with throw rugs. Stop worrying, for Pete's sake.

The good news is the painting is done - except for a little touching up - and it looks fantastic. The boys did a great job.

The bad news is that not only does my son hate manual labor, but apparently I'm married to a persnickety eighty-year-old woman.